Grief

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Hello there. It’s been over a year since I’ve written a post, but you, dear reader, have been weighing on my mind the whole time, believe me. I’ve felt a bit like I’ve failed us both. I have no idea if I ever succeeded in being a light on a hill for you or a sister speaking comfort in a world of darkness. However, if I have, as I hoped, I pray you forgive my silence.

My mother died. It’s even painful to write it. She had 4th stage cancer for two years, so I believe I’d been grieving for awhile before she actually left us. The crazy thing about grief, I’ve learned, is that it affects us in ways you can’t prepare for. When you heard from me last, I was in denial. Then, within weeks of her passing, I knew. It hit me when she spent only 15 mins out of bed to see us before returning to bed once again. I cried in the bathroom. Started having anxiety attacks every time I’d leave my parent’s house. Then, she died. I floated in a fog for awhile, but I suddenly handled everything weirdly well… I thought.

I love writing, but I haven’t written since last year in the midst of the anxiety and denial. I’ve tried and failed with different types of writing and then stopped trying. I can even do other types of creative projects like sketching, but words are blocked. It’s like trying to get water from the wrong side of a dammed river. I’ve heard of the stages of grief being sadness, anger, denial, bargaining, etc., but I’ve never heard of the stage of silence.

To write a post about grief from the perspective of God’s Word, I had to be selective in which verses to include because there are so very, very many. God has a lot to say about death and grief. I like a few in particular because it’s as much about the mourner as it is about the one we mourn.

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

John 14:27

“Jesus said to her, ‘I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me will live, even though they die. Everyone who lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?”

John 11:25-26

These verses are full of hope and comfort, not only for our present life, but hope that our loved ones never truly die if they lived in God. There’s so many of Yahweh’s people who grieved in the Bible, as well: Job, David, Naomi, even Jesus, who has the shortest sentence in the Bible devoted to the mourning of His friend.*

“Jesus wept.”

John 11:35

Really, that’s the one that means the most to me. We’re not alone in our grief. There is no one in the universe who loves you and your loved ones more than God. He hates death. He hates that your loved one died. He hates that you are in pain. Yes, God hates. He hates evil, and evil brought death into our world, but he’s got a plan.

“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

Revelation 21:4

So, if you’re grieving, like I am, hold onto the knowledge that your loved one is simply on a new adventure, one by God’s side, one without the pain and heartache we experience here. Make new memories and adventures to perhaps tell them about when you see them one day. Have faith the size of a mustard seed, and go forward in life with confidence in this truth. Grief is an amorphous creature that takes many shapes, but trust that God knows it well. You can’t and shouldn’t try to handle it alone.

I’ve successfully written this, so maybe this dammed river will flow again soon. God bless.

*I have a whole post dedicated to why God would cry over a death if He knew He’d resurrect him soon. Read Here

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